Survivors Speak
Jennifer Nadler’s truth and journey mirrored so many aspects of my own, that as I sat and listened to the presentation, my body shook. My hands trembled, my heart raced, and the tears poured down my face. My head felt as if I was a bobble head doll. My inner voice was shouting “ YES! Hallelujah, someone understands everything I have ever felt and thought about myself, life and this world!” It was as if she had been inside my body, in my heart, and even my brain. The self-hate, the drinking to numb the pain, the OCD and search of control, the guilt, the anger, the MUSIC. For the first time in my life, I felt normal, unashamed of my own truth, and like a weight that felt like a life sentence, was finally removed from my shoulders. Never in my life, had anyone spoken so honestly and openly about their battle. As a childhood sexual assault survivor, at the ages of 3 ½ and 7 years old, the amount of counselors and sessions has been immeasurable. No one in my life discussed the anger, hate and sadness that ate away at my soul. No one discussed the grieving process over a childhood lost, a life forever changed. It wasn’t spoken about in sessions or in the outside world. Secrets held me captive because talking about it wasn’t an option. Jenn is changing that and our world.
At Le Moyne College, where I work, we did a community project entitled “Portraits for Positive Change’, where we were asked to share what we stand for. My answer was simple. ‘I stand for speaking up because a single voice has power. It exhibits courage, changes an environment, and inspires others to find and use their voices.’ This is exactly what Jennifer Nadler is doing with her voice. She has changed my world and helped me to find my own voice and share my truth and my journey. After attending Jenn’s presentation the first time, I have openly shared it and my own truth. The number of survivors, who have told me their truths, is mind blowing. People experiencing the same hurt, shame and guilt. Jenn has given me the most incredible gift in the world, peace and a sense of normalcy, something that took 31 years to find.
I HIGHLY recommend Jenn’s presentation to everyone: law enforcement, mental health counselors, teachers, parents, survivors, survivor support systems and students. Only by opening the world’s eyes to this viewpoint of childhood sexual assault can we begin to pull survivors out of their darkness into the light and shine the spotlight on the issue and perpetrators.
Katherine J. Roberts
Childhood Sexual Assault Survivor
How to put into words feelings and responses from so deep and reach so high there are no human limits?
Luckily I happened into a rerun of Saturday Night Live a few days ago with LinkinPark as the guest band. I can’t even say I know many of the words to their music, it’s the power, harshness and the ‘take no prisoner’s sounds that reverberate all around and through me that make me able to shout out loud (inside my head) I’M strong and nothing is going to take this away from me ever again. Jenn’s use of their sounds and lyrics really bring the SURVIVOR out for me.
I’ve witnessed her presentation two times so far. My heart broke in two for the pain, unfairness, suffering and other worldness of what happened to Jenn. I could hang in there because I knew there’d be the ‘other side’ by the end of the time.
Her gentle ferociousness gives me strength, power and spirit to never go back into the depths I’ve been. I used to wish every night – please don’t wake up in the morning – please just let me die in my sleep. That truly used to be every night. My journey to healing and thriving was long and horrible and wonderful to finally get to the other side. I can’t say how much. it helps to know I am not alone even still.
Jenn takes us through her suffering, pushing, giving up, pulling up, getting through, doing it all over again, and finally breaking out where there will never be going back to those worst of darkness places again. We need to all be there for each other. Jenn’s voice gives me strength to give others strength – from the youngest to the oldest who may just be figuring out there can be a way out of the depths of something so deep you just can’t imaging going any deeper.
I can’t speak for those who have never suffered like this- But I believe her voice gives truth to the ‘process’ of what one must go through to get through – and I hope this gives others strength to help those of us suffering still. And that I never have to feel like slapping someone’s face off for saying ‘just get over it’, ‘put it in the past’, ‘be grateful for all you’ve got,’ thinking this kind of ‘support’ is a help.
Jenn you are an inspiration putting words, sounds and light to a tiny portion of what it’s like to move from barely breathing to surviving and on to even thriving. Bless you.
Ellyn Lentz
Sexual Abuse Survivor
Jennifer’s delivery of her journey of surviving sexual assault is one like I have never experienced before. Her ability to incorporate music and imagery into her truth telling magnifies the way in which you will feel her each and every word. Although my own journey of survival was not due to childhood sexual abuse, but instead campus sexual assault, the first time I listened to Jennifer speak it was as if she was also sharing the truth of my soul. Most importantly, Jennifer made me feel like I was not alone. To hear her share the anger, shame, sadness, and guilt that comes from surviving sexual assault, adequately relays how incredibly difficult the act of survival can just be. Jennifer’s presentation leaves you with the hope that it can and does get better. Through truth telling Jennifer is changing the world, as her presentation leaves audiences informed and also forces you to think and have conversation about sexual violence. I would recommend her presentation to anyone, as it clearly details how truly devastating surviving sexual assault can be.
Jolie Moran
Campus Sexual Assault Survivor
Jennifer Nadler’s truth is what changed my life. Being a student at Le Moyne, I first went to her talk not knowing what to expect.For the first time in my life, I felt a sense of purpose. I finally felt like there was a silver lining. It was as if the words she was speaking were the exact things I would say in my head every day. Sitting through her presentation was no easy thing. Tears, anger, fear, shame, hurt overtook my whole mind. She knew the numbness, self-hate, PTSD. Although our truths are very different, Jennifer gave me a new perspective. It finally felt as though someone else understood everything. I was on the edge of my life, ready to give it all up. Her presentation gave me hope and faith that it was possible to keep going. She was visible proof that it WILL and DOES get better. If Jennifer’s presentation taught me anything, it was that it wasn’t my fault. It never was and never will be. I’d recommend Jennifer’s talk to anyone, weather a survivor or not. Her truth gives power to find your voice. Jennifer’s truth helped me find my voice to stand up and speak out.
Erika